Twelve Years.

Twelve years have come and gone - some days it seems like a lifetime ago, while others it seems like merely a breath has passed.

November 7 marks an anniversary. A day that my family's world changed forever. The day my daddy breathed his last breaths with us by his side in that hospital room. The day my family of four changed to a family of three. A day that none of us will forget.

This is not meant to be a share to welcome pity, to make the world feel sorry for us. We were lucky to have my father for as long as we did- and thankful his journey into sickness and pain ended and he could leave it behind for a heavenly place where he would be made whole once again.

He packed in a lifetime of memories in his 48 years here on earth. Some good, some bad -up and down like the roller coasters he loved so much.

This time of year always brings about those good memories of the things I loved most about him- his laugh, his smile that shown through his baby blues, they way he would charcoal on the back porch and finish a bag of potato chips, his dreams to make everything perfect and every holiday special.

His love for football and baseball, his love for being outdoors, and of course, his love for us.

The three of us that are left from our original four are still marked by his presence- yet we are continuing to find a way to be independent and move on from the yesterday.

My mom is as beautiful as ever, inside and out.  Years have come and gone, and with that many more bumps in the road and fresh battle scars, yet her spirit is still there. She's stronger than she thinks she is and her love runs too deep for words. 

She has rekindled and found hope and comfort in another, the Papa to our little MC. He has offered her a kind of support that my brother and I can't, and he loves us like his own. We are thankful.

My brother has changed from the middle school boy to the hard working man out in the real world. He could sell Eskimo ice as they say. He has a quick wit and humor, along with the stride that both my grandfather and dad had in his step. He's compassionate and sensitive. Strong and capable.

Twelve years may have come and gone- but we are ever aware of the love he continues to give. Happy for our new lives and thankful for the ones with whom we share it.

Healing is not about forgetting. It is about adapting to the changes, transforming the pain into something meaningful, and reconciling with that which seems impossible to forget.